Religion Trauma to Spirituality
Have you ever wondered if there were more to life than just a church? Do not get me wrong, I respect all types of religion but my story comes with various scare tactics, manipulation, and their form of NLP to join certain religious organizations. I was among the same people who use to be a part of this crazy religious organization that I felt judged, violated, and manipulated that caused me so much pain and caused division within my friends and family.
I was among everyone at the age of 17 years old looking for some type of spiritual hope in my life. Born and raised as a Catholic, explored Buddhism, and eventually converted to Christianity. I was just 16 years old when I was introduced to a Christian church, and it was from a house back in Antioch, CA. However, I stopped going because there were some awful things that took place when a Pastor there molested one of his daughters and I transferred to a new church because my friends told me how good it was. I began going at the age of 17 and I thought nothing of it. This church is still ongoing until this day and I am sure they made tons of changes every time their kids grew up and suspected a lot of things.
When I was going to that church, I was very connected and invested in my time with them. I followed every word of the bible and the pastors and youth leaders that controlled my every being of who I am. We were not allowed to hold hands, date, or kiss anyone. Mind you, I had a boyfriend at the time and living with your boyfriend or girlfriend was very forbidden. Even being associated in the LGBTQ+ community was forbidden to praise or to consider as “God’s children” but I continued to follow them despite how I kind of question these things in my mind.
One day, one of their daughters began dating and so did the rest of the pastors & youth leaders kids. All of a sudden, the policies became different. We were allowed to hold hands, court each other (a fancy way of saying dating), and even kiss. I was very flabbergasted but I thought nothing of it until one of my old friends told me how wrong he felt. He took off and never came back. At one point, I even got mad at this friend and I defended this church. Then I started noticing more changes are happening and for some reason that connection I once knew, started to disappear. It felt off and dark. All the people I knew are gone, and new people are now part of this church.
It was definitely becoming weird. Then I have decided to go on a spiritual journey, to find myself again and my connection with God. I realized through my healing process, it is not about the church, a book, or a statue that brings me closer to god, it is myself and my relationship through the spirit allows me to understand what is true and just. One day, I began giving my service to help heal a church member and this person was so happy! Even shared her joy to the church and how much improvement happened in her home. Until one day, Jenny decided to introduce her to reiki. Now, I was so scared to even bring this up because I knew I was going to be ridiculed by the church. However, this person that I helped did not hesitate and she wanted to give it a try.
I was so excited for them. However, within a few hours later, I received a text and I felt that horrible rejection once more and all the flashbacks of why I left the Christian church was justified. I was flabbergasted and I even cried stating, “this person was so happy and healing…how could they just take that away from her?” In my thoughts, that was when I finally saw the true light of my work with God by my side versus the organization offered to the community. When I finally learned to forgive them and let them go, I began meeting more and more people that have left the organization and experienced the same trauma as I have.
Since that experience, I knew then I was never going to look back and rejoin such organization again. I learned if you have lost sight of yourself, you forgotten how to love yourself, dependent on a church for peace, it is time to look from within and heal from your traumas. Trust God and the universe alone. CHANGE ONLY FOR YOURSELF, NOT FOR ANYONE ELSE!
