From people pleasing to accepting myself

What possessed me to tell you this story? You all may know me from my past stories of being cursed, rejected from religion, and going through various heartaches. However, I never got the chance to tell you all how people pleasing was embedded in me. Even through my healing process, I am catching myself doing the same thing. I am a people pleaser like yourselves because we want to be accepted and not feel a form of rejection.

My whole entire life I was always rejected, unless I had to “change” for them. My mother expected me to be a nurse because it made money and to act OBEDIENT to what she wanted in my life. The church I use to go to always kept embedding this quote to be “an example for people” and taking away my uniqueness and my true self. I also had friends who I thought were my friends, until I began noticing how much I accepted them for who they are but they never reciprocated the same way towards me, in the long run they all disappeared from my life.

Which all of this led me towards deep sadness. Not only did I lose what my so called support system, but I was beginning to lose sight of myself. Once again, I was alone, in my own thoughts, and life was crashing before my eyes. At one point, I developed a pure deep sadness and just isolated myself from everything. It was a sad moment when that took place in my mind and in my heart. I went through a spiritual breakthrough when I found out who my twin flame is and all these divination tools were introduced to me, as if I remember them through my past life. For that moment I am grateful and still am. However, I am catching myself at a people pleasing state. Why is that?

Then I was invited through two retreats. The first I went and it was truly special for everyone for which I am glad. However, I held myself back deeply and all I could think of in my mind was the retreat I went to being very similar to once a support system in my past. The church I looked up to and truly cherished and broke my heart. Until this day, I cry about it and ask, “why would they do this to me? Why was I taught on how to release my traumas and telling me to be authentic and when I did, I was heavily ostracized for it?” It made me cry and it caused me to fear of going to the second retreat my reiki master invited me to. Which ended so badly and our relationship shook in its core. I felt alone once again and support system is nowhere to be found.

Where am I going with this story right? I want you all to know that trauma is very real and it is not a four or fifteen week program to just diminish these feelings. It is okay to really check in with yourself and to place a support system that will fully understand who you are. If you are reading this, it is not an accident and I am for sure what I have gone through is what you are also going through. I am reaching out from this story to let you know my darkness can also be my light for you.

I want to be a healer for everyone and I love doing it. I also want to be a human and embrace my flaws. I want to be able to say YES and I want to be able to say NO when I want to. Those who understand me shall be reciprocated the same way as I do and respect this. Everyone deserves to be understood, to be listened, and to be supported in every way they want to be. My higher self told me, it is okay to not feel guilt or shame for wanting what you want in life. It is okay to be who you want to be and be content in your own skin. No one should ever change you or ever force you to become something you are not. If you are reading this and you are in my position, come talk to me. I am here to listen.

You are loved and needed in this world with your uniqueness. Do not let anyone take your sunshine and your authentic self. Money and jobs are replaceable, you are not. Take a moment and live them everyday how you want and keep it at balanced. Talk to a therapist, coach, or someone that will really support you for you and not ever change you. Change only if you want to do it for you, not the expectations of anyone else. You are authentic to your own, not by others expectations.

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How did I heal from my Twinflame Heartache?

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Religion Trauma to Spirituality